It’s been really hard to write the last couple of days. In fact, it’s been darn near impossible. Most of what I want to write would look like this:
WHY THE #**%^@ IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
WHO IN THE #@^*@ DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?
WHERE IN THE ^&*#% IS GOD?
It’s days like today that I start doubting the sincerity of a God that says that He will provide all my needs. A loving God that is supposed to take care of me. I have been faithful – where is He?
I notice a my daily calendar on my desk. It’s one of those that has a Bible verse for every day. I haven’t turned it to the current date. I need a distraction. The day is half over and I’m #*&%@ off. I pick up the calendar, turn it to today….
I start crying…
Oh God – forgive me for being so selfish. So doubtful. How could I ever doubt you. You are my rock, my salvation. I am totally dependent in you. Please have mercy on me. Forgive me. You are my Lord and Savior! Why do I let work stress me out so much. You are my life. You will provide! You always have. Forgive me for doubting you. Thank you for showing me that you are here.
I feel much better now. Oh – you want to know what the calender said? OK.
1To you I call, O LORD my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.
2 Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.
3 Do not drag me away with the wicked,
with those who do evil,
who speak cordially with their neighbors
but harbor malice in their hearts.
4 Repay them for their deeds
and for their evil work;
repay them for what their hands have done
and bring back upon them what they deserve.
5 Since they show no regard for the works of the LORD
and what his hands have done,
he will tear them down
and never build them up again.
6 Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.
7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.
8 The LORD is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.
9 Save your people and bless your inheritance;
be their shepherd and carry them forever.